Stop Hitting Me With Your Backpack

It figures that Jolie carries a backpack. Image via Bauer Griffin

Much to the chagrin of myself and pretty much everyone else living in Boston over the age of 27, this is a city of college students. They can be mindblowingly obnoxious at times, but they are sort of needed. Maybe. Much like myself, a lot of these students stay in Boston post-grad and get jobs. As a seasoned veteran of the MBTA, Boston's glorious, adequate,  less than stellar public transport system, I have to have a word about backpacks.

During a rush hour commute there are many, MANY annoyances to be had, but getting pummeled repeatedly by someones backpack is top of the list. Some are so large that they take up an entire spot to stand in. Nothing will make you look like a recently departed co-ed on a crowded subway train more than one of these monstrosities. You might as well wear a sign on you that says, "Give me dirty looks and expect me to talk loudly!"

I'm only going to address the fellas here because I refuse to acknowledge that there are women wearing backpacks. It's too heinous. Men, here are some new options for carrying whatever it is that you need to carry.

J.Crew Messenger Bag - $100 from Mr. Porter.

This is a stellar bag. I would carry this bag. It's in a neutral tone so it will go with everything (like you're concerned about that), and it has many pockets so your stuff doesn't get all jumbled around.

One of the greatest problems facing our nation today is bags without pockets. I know spending $100 on a bag is ludicrous to most men, but it's worth it to spend the money on something you'll have for a long time and that ladies will appreciate.

French Connection Nylon Messenger Bag - $69.68 (on sale!) from Amazon

This bag may trump the other because it's nylon. Which means it will repel rain, coffee, bodily fluids (hey it's the T... things happen), and anything else you could possibly spill on it.

Multiple pockets are again seen and black goes with everything.

JanSport Crosstalk Bag - $49.99 from Tilly's

If you're still desperado for something that looks like a backpack in material and label, then this Jansport bag is for you.

It's sporty, not so fashiony, and will most certainly get the job done.

That concludes our talk, guys. No more excuses, mmkay? When you get the diploma, trash the backpack.